My Mental Story. It's okay, it really is, but its Not okay
- LifewithJesus
- Jun 5, 2024
- 13 min read
Updated: Feb 6
I am sharing my story with mental health struggle; its a prayer as you read, for anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, worry or negative thoughts; Dear beloved; I pray, oh I truly pray that GOD helps you overcome, that you see that GOD is interested in helping you, that HE sees, HE knows and wants to help you carry that burden, and most importantly HE wants to help you heal and be made whole; HE wants you to be the very best version of yourself.
3 John 2 King James Version
Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
This is my little story with the battle of my mind and really how GOD helped me and is still helping me.
THE BEFORE
Before this, it’s funny I had a never can be me mentality/ mindset, I think I probably remember a distinctive conversation I had with a friend that I was promoting self love, happiness, with some sprinkle of pride.
I was full of myself I wouldn’t lie, like I had a great self esteem and I never really understood especially especially when I know things are going well with you, why you’d be sad, depressed, have a low self esteem. I was very reliance on my self when it came to my mental, emotional well being; Look I trusted God for other aspect of my life and I didn't realize how much I needed to also rely on God for my mental and emotional well-being until I had a trigger and lost it all; I lost every part of me, I lost me, my mind soul and body.
It’s funny I say that it’s probably good I went through this cos one thing I have now is empathy, empathy to people and their situations no matter what.
THE DURING
I had a trigger I really did; I don’t like saying I had depression but oh I’ve battled with my mind, I’ve battled negative suicidal self inflicting pain/hurt thoughts; twice I wrote my suicidal note, on multiple occasions I have thought of harming myself, inducing self inflicting pain, I have prayed the worst kind of prayers to put an end to my life cos I wanted the pain to end.
I’ve thought about ending it all; oh it’s a battle, oh ITS A BATTLE trust me, it’s a battle of your mind, feelings, emotions; one of the toughest battle I’ve had to fight.
Even my recovery story was a journey, was a process; I wanted to get better; I actively sought to get better, fill up that gap, void, fix me; so firstly I sought help and relieve and some form of happiness in all the wrong things and places. I remember I’d go out be all happy drink make merry, come home and have a break down, won’t be able to sleep, cry, sometimes have a glass/ 2 glass of wine at home alone. Tbh my ‘happiest moments’ where people would say oh I laughed loudest, was more social, fun, outgoing were my most depressed states. So I understand and can emphatically in pain, in so much pain and sorriness relate when people do this reel of 2 weeks, 2 days; 4 hours before it happened, someone taking their lives and it’s picture videos of them laughing smiling happy dancing etc.
I really was too broken, in so much pain and hurt to even have the strength to go to GOD, so I remained broken.
What ever stopped me from going through with harming myself?
Now the moments were I didn’t feel sad was when I was sleeping, once I woke up, opened my eyes, the battle started, and it was a battle I was tired, exhausted from fighting and I just wanted it to end, put my enemy in eternal sleep so I could be ‘free and finally have rest’
I don’t know, I can’t remember the content of my suicide notes; to be honest, I just remembered for one, I think the last one I was very apologetic to my family and very very extremely apologetic to my mum. I’d say probably one of the reasons I probably never went through with it was my mum.
I know my mum saw me and knew I wasn’t okay, so I never had to pretend to be anything other than what I was going through with her, I never had to fake strength with her or laughter with her. I don’t know if she remembers but she pleaded with me and had made me promise to call her if I thought of doing anything to harm myself and I promised her. I know those moments it was very heavy on me, she was the one I called and we’d just talk, she saw me, she saw me in my state as I was and didn’t condemn, judge; she just wanted me to get better, we spoke about it, we prayed about it.
Even as I was getting better, she’d continually still call and ask are you better, are you no longer depressed, are you okay now; she’d make me talk about it; she was genuinely concerned and worried for me.
I really appreciate you mum for that.
I think having my mum as a comfort person helped me a lot, that’s why I pray oh I pray deeply that everyone going depression, tough times has at least one person there that’s sees them, understand, be there for them; there is much healing and strength with relive in that.
Proverbs 12:18 New King James Version
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.
Proverbs 12:25 TPT
“Anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.”
The first part is ITS okay and there is healing in acknowledging that it’s okay, I mean you can’t fix an issue if you don’t acknowledge there is one in the first place.
IT'S OKAY
It really is okay it really is trust me; the message is COME AS YOU ARE; God wants to help you carry that weight, he wants you to give it to him and HE gives you light, peace and joy.
Matthew 11:28–30: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
I say that Jesus says don't worry, don't be anxious for anything but if you have, still cast those anxieties upon him, for HE CARES.
Matthew 6:25-34 New International Version
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Philippians 4:6-7 New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7 New International Version
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Journey to recovery started with me knowing how I was feeling was okay cos I think one thing that kept pushing me further and further away from God was shame and guilt and condemnation. I know I was desperate to get better, I wanted to and I knew only God could make me better, restore unto me the Joy of my salvation and renew HIS spirit within me.
I actually googled people in the Bible that had not just depression but chronic like severe depression, like it’s not a joke, I typed that into google; I needed to know it was okay to feel how I was, I needed to know Gods response, I needed to know how they came out of it biblical. Cos all I had to give God at that time was my broken self, all I had to offer was brokenness, weakness, my shameful me, guilty me, fear, self condemnation, sin, disobedience, pain, hurt; I literally even had questions for God, I couldn’t pray, couldn’t lift up my hands to worship; all I had was confusion, weakness, pain, fear, worry, anxiety and until I knew that was okay to feel that way and take it all to God; I always remained broken cos of the guilt as a Christian, knowing I’m supposed to be full of Joy, without sin.
The result of my google search by the way was Jeremiah, they call him the weeping prophet for a reason, bless him; oh but reading JEREMIAH has literally blessed my life; if you know me you know I cant talk about my life journey without not referencing Jeremiah. And its not cos of Jeremiah, its all because of GOD.
So I started reading Jeremiah, and Gods response to the depressed, weary, Elijah, Jeremiah, was comfort.
Not one person did GOD condemn or rebuke, not one, It didn’t matter what they had done or what they were feeling or where they are now.
I got my life verse from Jeremiah, the revelation from Jeremiah 31:3-4 that “The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt, …” was life changing for me.
Pause and reflect a min, and personalized this. This is GOD’s saying to you now, at this moment and forever; that HE loves you with a forever kind of love and draws you closer; not with anger, disappointment, but with lovingkindness and wants to build you up.
And this was the beginning of my healing for me; knowing God loves and cares for me still and most importantly wants me to be better; HE wants to heal me.
So; the next is it’s Not okay
IT'S NOT OKAY to remain broken, depressed, anxious; GOD wants you to be in good mental health, for your soul, mind and spirit to prosper; GOD wants to see you not just happy but joyful and above all, HE wants to make you victorious; its not about you not having depression or all these negative feelings, HE wants you to be the very best version of yourself and you can't be while depressed.
TAKE IT ALL TO THE LORD in prayer
we see in the bible many times GOD comforting people, GOD doesn't want to leave you at your depressed state, HE wants to minister to you, help you get better; but first you have to bear it all and commit it all to GOD. So like 1st Peter 5:7 says absolutely and totally cast all your care, worry, anxiety upon JESUS, for HE totally cares for you.
Acts 23:11 New King James Version
Paul when he was imprisoned, we see Jesus telling him and encouraging him to be of good cheer:
But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, “Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome.”
God response isn't condemnation, but HE never leaves you in that state you were in, HE comforts, heals, provides, answers, restores, leads, direct to make us even better and stronger than we were before.
1 Kings 19 New International Version
Elijah ran away after Jezebel was after his life and he became sorrowful and even asked God to take his life; when he was worried and fearful, GOD response to him was to feed him, strengthen him, even when he told God he was alone, God told him he wasn't, there are 7000 others who are still good and have not been compromised. God didn’t condemn him, HE fed him and gave him reassurance.
3 Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 18 Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”
Also, Jesus Christ at the Garden of Gethsemane was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death and God strengthen him:
Matthew 26 New International Version
38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
Luke 22 New International Version
42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him
You have to allow GOD help you, give HIM room to help you because trust me, ONLY HE CAN
GOD has promised HE will never leave you nor forsake you and thats really no matter what dears, trust me, trust GOD, it’s no matter what.
THE TESTIMONY
The testimony is that even while I was fighting all these, GOD never left me; I didn’t see it then, but looking back, I see how HE was always with me; holding my hands and covering me; JESUS MY EMMANUEL!
GOD SAVED ME FROM ME AND ALSO SAVED ME FROM OTHERS.
Thank you GOD, I owe you my life and I give YOU my life always take it and do what YOU want with me; YOU have my permission, my will.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER LORD
NOW
Oh, I protect my mental health a lot I stay away from triggers, even when I feel overwhelmed with worries, anxieties or sad, I go to God in prayer and commit it all to him and HE always helps me.
JESUS CHRIST said give all these to him, its too much for us to handle on our own truly, HE said give me these worries anxiety and you take the life I have given you, of peace, joy, happiness, sound mind, good health, leading, divine direction.
Now, we will have difficult times, the bible even says it and never promised us to have a smooth worry free life, HE says we will have tough times, but we should be of good cheer, that JESUS is faithful, and he will help us overcome; AMEN AMEN
John 16:33 King James Version (KJV)
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
1 Corinthians 10:13 New International Version
13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
The only way to have true peace that passeth all understanding, JOY, true JOY is by accepting JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND PERSONAL SAVIOUR.
That’s the beginning of a purposeful life, trust me; is having a relationship with JESUS CHRIST.
You have gone too far on your own, GOD didn’t create you to walk this life alone, scared, depressed, sad, anxious; HE wants to give you peace and life abundantly.
The salvation story is that GOD loves you and me, yes you so much that HE came from heaven to earth in the form of a man to live and then die for my sins, your sins, to give us life not just here on earth, but life eternal.
And that’s the only way to be free from sin, guilt, shame. Even as Acts 4:12 “There is no one else who has the power to save us, for there is only one name to whom God has given authority by which we must experience salvation: the name of Jesus.””
So say this prayer with me, let go and LET GOD, let GOD into your heart now🙏
Prayer:
LORD JESUS, I am ready. I am ready to let go and let you. Oh Lord, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your love, your love LORD, peace and joy that passeth all understanding. I confess that I am a sinner and I thank you LORD JESUS for the cross, thank you for dying on the cross for all my sins and taking all my sins, shame, guilt away and making me whole; YOU have saved me and I confess YOU as my absolute LORD and personal Saviour; I thank YOU because I am a new creature, I receive YOUR SPIRIT, SPRIT OF THE LIVING GOD within me.
And LORD JESUS; I release the pain, the hurt, the shame, the guilt, the worry, the fear, the anxiousness, I release it all and let YOU, JESUS into my heart, and I pray even as I have accepted YOU as my LORD and my personal saviour, that YOU heal me, heal me of every trauma, every pain, ever hurt, every regret, every fear; heal me of it all; and renew YOUR HOLY SPIRIT within me, let there be a baptism of your HOLY SPIRIT within me, that my life be full of peace, joy and LORD rest, rest from all worries, hurt pain of life.
Lord help me to continue to know YOU more, fully understand your love and power, and live and abide in YOU LORD. I LOVE YOU LORD FOREVER AND I THANK YOU ALWAYS for there is no me without you.
This we pray in JESUS mighty name🙏
If you prayed the prayer of repentance, salvation, welcome to the blessed family of GOD :); please feel free to reach out using the contact button and we'll be happy to help you in your blissful and joyful walk with CHRSIT.
Also if you’d like us to pray with YOU, or just talk; we do have a family of members that would love to connect with you, share with you on our healing journey, it’s a safe vulnerable space; you can also use the contact button and we’ll be happy to connect with you.
I know having the safe space I had when going through my tough times was healing for me: and I want you to have that by the grace of GOD.
Remember the truth beloved; GOD super duper loves you, HE truly does, so bask in HIS love, rest and glory always.
RELATED: encouraging bible verses for hard times
Romans 8:38-39
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Psalm 42:11
“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
This scripture passage calls God the “God of all comfort.” It says he is someone “who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
1 Peter 5:7
Peter tells readers to cast “all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
Psalm 30:5
A comforting promise is given by this verse. It says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
Can we engage by commenting encouraging Bible verses for hard times?🙂🙏
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